One of the most common things I hear about every day is how difficult it is for couples to sustain loving relationships over time. Marriages and other long-term relationships can grow "stale". People get into habits of fighting and bickering and worse.  Everybody knows somebody who is getting a divorce right now or whose relationship is breaking up.  People are arguing and don't know what they are fighting about.  Children are stressed out because they feel their parents' pain or disappointment or because their family feels like it's falling apart. Communication breakdowns are everywhere.

The approach I like to take to relationships is one in which every member of the relationship is 100% responsible for that relationship.  What that means is that each person who is in a relationship has tools they can draw on and things that they can do to improve the quality of life in that relationship, even if the other person is resistant to change. It also means that there isn't really any copping out---there is always something that can be done, often without ever even engaging the other partner.

I also believe that marriages and other devoted couple bonds probably ought to be saved a lot more of the time than we are currently doing.  It's easy to run away when things are not good, and there are always times when it is the legitimate thing to do to bless the person you have been spending time with and then let them go, or they you.  When that is the case counseling can be a life-saver, and can help couples deal with splits in ways that are dignified and respectful, and do the least amount of harm, especially when children are involved.  But much of the time I think that there is tremendous growth which can be done inside of the relationship you already have, especially when there are powerful bonds of love between two people.  Often, the conflicts we are in are exactly what needs to be happening for each person to reach the next level of growth, commitment, and capacity to give and receive love. 

If you are in a relationship that has hit some rocky ground or you need to shake things up in your love life, don't let it go any longer.  Talk to someone who can help you make that breakthrough.

And if you are alone and wish for love to come and sweep you away, yet find it never seems to happen, that is one of the single best reasons to go talk with a counselor.  Everyone deserves the opportunity to love and to be

loved, and we all need it desperately to feel human. Contact with others is a crucial part of mental

health, and intimate partnerships are an important part of what it means to be human and to be in

relationship with others.

PS: I'm LGBT and Q affirmative.